I know this period is hard to get through, but trust me, you will eventually and you may even be grateful for its end.
We live in a society that is obsessed with finding love. It is like we cannot be completed if we can’t find our “second-half”.
Well, I don’t have a crazy heart-broken story to share, I didn’t go through a divorce, and hopefully, I never will. But I do have the experience of breaking up with a man I thought I would marry.
We had dated for two years, met each others’ partners, talked about marriage, and everything just seemed so planned and certain.
Then, just weeks after our second anniversary, we broke up. It just happened so suddenly it took me half a year to register and accept.
I think for those of us who have ended a relationship with someone we loved, we keep going through those mental chatters on how we should have done better to save this person, and then, on the other hand, how retarded and unthankful this person is for giving up on the relationship.
I was definitely in a dark place for half a year before I realised my life would go on with or without him.
Thankfully, during this time, I have also learned that I can give all the love I need to myself, and on those days when I am a bit emotionally fragile, I can call a family member or friend, or better yet, my higher self, for emotional support.
If you are going through the pain of a past relationship, I want to share with you some tips that hopefully will help you move on at full speed.
I. Accept that the Relationship has Ended
The first step in getting over someone is realising that they might not be the right person for you and accepting it.
After this, you should start seeing other people and trying new things on your terms instead of waiting for their approval on everything.
Letting go of someone who used to be important in your life can be difficult, and it is normal to feel like we are losing a part of ourselves, but there is more to life.
Endings can always bring new beginnings, and it is often best for us and for the person we are letting go of if we let ourselves and them go and move on.
With or without this person in your life, you still have a life full of opportunities ahead of you.
II. Stop Blaming Yourself or Others
When someone you care about has hurt you, it can be tempting to analyse their past behaviour or actions to understand why they acted the way they did.
It’s natural to want to understand what led them to behave in the way that they did. However, this also means that you are focused on them rather than on yourself.
The truth, let us be honest, we are all selfish people.
Everyone acts for their self-interests. The one who has hurt you is selfish, and so are you.
So there is no point in judging someone.
Chances are, you have been a b*tch or as*hole on other occasions.
I am not asking you to be compassionate with the other person, although that should be the goal.
I am asking you to move on from this sh*t and focus on yourself.
This is the perfect time for you to shine because you no longer need that validation.
III. Ask the Right Questions
When I say right, I mean empowering questions that will empower you to take actions that lead to the desired outcomes.
Instead of asking disempowering questions such as “Why did this happen to me” or “What is wrong with Him/Her?” that would help you achieve nothing except feeling stuck, ask empowering and powerful questions such as “What can I be grateful for today?” or “What lesson I can learn from this” or one of my favourites, “What will my higher self do in this situation?”
These questions will help you feel like you have more control over your situation.
And you know what, your thoughts direct your actions.
So, practice having empowering thoughts that inspire you to take the actions that lead to growth.
IV. Invest in Yourself
It is essential to make time for yourself when transitioning out of a relationship.
It would help if you focused on self-care and self-development. This will help you grow past the relationship without the need for unhealthy habits, like excessive drinking or eating.
An excellent way to do this is by focusing on your future goals and career.
The point here is that you should always be investing in yourself before you invest in somebody else.
I mean, if you don’t put the time and effort into your happiness and growth, there is no way that somebody else can make you happy and provide you with a fulfilling life.
You need to go out and find what makes YOU happy and grow.
When you know your power, the confidence will radiate from you, and you will realise that you are a totally happy and fulfilled person with or without someone.
And you know what? That’s when you are the most attractive.
V. Plan and Visualise a New Future for Yourself
To start a new life after a breakup, you will have to redefine your future without this person and visualise a new future without them!
I know, sometimes this exercise brings out the pain. I know because I have been to that place.
At this moment, you can try to take a deep breath and acknowledge your presence.
Recognise that you can always come back to this place when you are centred and calm, without this person. And use your awareness of your lasting presence to empower yourself for growth.
To avoid shifting your mind back to that dark place, I strongly encourage you to “rewrite” your future in a journal.
Our future is not set in stone because you have all the power in your hand to change it for the better.
VI. Allow Yourself Time to Heal
Finally, I want to remind you. You can have all the time to heal yourself.
I understand how difficult it is to get over someone you used to care deeply about.
I as well have that experience of not being able to pull myself out of that emotional black hole, even though I thought I knew that was not helping.
But trust me, time heals, every freaking time.
It is hard to know how long it will take to heal, but instead of feeling annoyed by your grief, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn. Yet, at the same time, use kindness to encourage yourself to move on.
I want to end this video with a quote (please do let me know the original source of this). This one works for me all the time when sh*t happens.
Nothing is Permanent, Personal and Pervasive.
It sounds so cliché, but you have to believe in yourself and your ability to have a fulfilling life without the person you are letting go of.
It takes time, but if you work at it, you will get there.
I hope you got some valuable pointers from this article. If you want to learn more about how to reclaim your emotional, spiritual and financial sovereignty, be sure to check out my pages / YouTube channel.
